LOCH NESS CONFESS
WHAT THEY DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW
You've heard it a thousand times: "The Loch Ness Monster isn't real." "It's a made up conspiracy." "It's just a trick of the light."
Well guess what? They're all wrong. Here on my website I'm taking and publishing, against the wishes of those in charge (iykyk), REAL confessions from REAL people about REAL sightings of the Loch Ness Monster (NOT CLICKBAIT).
Testimonials
"I always knew Scotland was hiding something, and now I know what!" - anonymous
"I'm 72 and I visit the Loch Ness Confess web site every day to check the news. Im a single issue voter and that issue is the LochNess Monster. happy birthday to my grandson Hunter." - Dale from Iowa
"This guy has cracked the case of the Loch Ness Monster WIDE OPEN! What a reliable source of information" - The Wall Street Journal
Latest article | Scottish scientists hiding the true nature of the Loch Ness Monster
SCOTLAND, UK. -- Bigfoot. Mothman. The Jersey Devil. Everyone knows that the United States has its fair share of cryptids lurking deep in the country, appearing before hikers and commuters when they least expect it. But these zoological mysteries aren't only found in America. Across the pond lurks another shadowy legend, arguably one of the most famous of its ilk: The Loch Ness Monster. Though the first photographic evidence of Nessie came out almost a century ago in 1934, she has been known to roam the waters of Loch Ness for thousands of years. Despite this, scientists in Scotland continue to deny her existence.
A new report from the Freshwater Research Lab in Glasgow conjectures that historical reports of Nessie are hoaxes or misinterpretations of what they are calling "perfectly natural ecological occurrences". Cryptozoological experts tell a different story. For every "scientific" explanation of a confirmed Nessie sighting, we are left with more questions than answers. Questions that could be answered if these "scientists" would just do their job and find The Loch Ness Monster.
Casual cryptid fans and Nessie investigators alike are left wondering: What will it take for the greater scientific community to admit that The Loch Ness Monster is real? Dozens of photographs, videos, sonar readings and sightings have come out since the 1930s, all with better technology and higher quality evidence. To us here at Loch Ness Confess this refusal to engage with the truth seems to be the tip of the iceberg in a dark plot to hide the true nature of the world from all of us. What's next, telling us the world isn't flat?
Introducing: Nessium
Scientists have discovered a new element with strange wellness properties nestled deep in the silt of Loch Ness. Experiments have revealed that Nessium, named for our darling Nessie, has fantastic health benefits including:
- Curing cancer and athlete's foot
- Getting rid of those pesky wrinkles
- Treating insomnia and narcolepsy
- A good daily source of vitamin A, C, iron, and lead
- Detoxing your body of bad toxins
- Retoxing your body with good toxins
- ESP
- Clearing sinuses
- And more!
The "FDA" is keeping this miracle element from Americans by restricting its use. But fear not! I am in contact with a supplier in Scotland who can ship Nessium supplements directly to me so I can ship them directly to you, cutting out the middle man. At only $299.99 per bottle, it’s a steal. And remember: SAY “YESSIUM” TO NESSIUM
